It is reassuring and inspiring for a new blogger like me to read the many stories of courage here. If all you have ever known is a world full of people you can’t trust, becoming vulnerable is a scary, scary thing. If that was your world, it takes a firm, steady, and relentless hand to pull you out. My world was tiny. There was my mom, my dad, and me.
A few days ago, I ventured over to a message board. I saw the pain and hopelessness–and attempted to offer a few encouraging words. It was a waste of time: we hadn’t had a chance to build trust, and when your whole being runs on high alert, trust is an elusive thing. One participant confronted me with, “Hey, are you on drugs, or what?” The love this person knew was just another disguise for evil. I’m guessing that this person knew charms, and absolutely knew they couldn’t be trusted.
Unfortunately, I totally get that. In my backwards-but-seemed-normal-to-me existence, I assumed that anyone who was trying to be nice to me was going to be setting me up for humiliation or using me for their own purposes. Charming? Bah! A hunt for a new chew toy. The only kind of relationship I trusted was something that was straightforward and existed solely on an intellectual plane.
On rare occasions, I have encountered a person who totally and completely gets it. This kind of person becomes almost transparent–letting you shine through. Transcendence is the word used by some. Another one is enlightenment, but I think that the real enlightenment might be their ability to see well enough–and shine well enough–to help others see their own light. The best part? They don’t even know they are doing it. They just enjoy it.
Yesterday, I ran across an article about how to be exceptionally charming. I didn’t even want to read it. I wanted to run. The charm I had known was all about sinking golden hooks into you…replete with all the bling of the bait. Nothing good had ever come from that for me. You see, a narcissist is part of a club with unwritten rules. Narcissists all know the rules. Once a person has been conditioned by a narcissist and has managed to escape, that person still has the permanent noose of the empath–visible to any other narcissist–and they will lie in wait until they can pounce upon their new chew toy. They can smell the blood of unconditional, unrelenting love a mile away–those who have never gotten the chance to reap the benefits of the love they have poured out.
The article turned out to be a good read. Honestly, I wish we could have a world full of the people the author described as charming. Unfortunately, the word charming still has a meaning for me, kind of like the chow-mien I once had as a kid and got food poisoning. My body learned, and I will never be able to eat it again.
God bless the people who know and spread authenticity! Forgiveness works, but the kind of forgiveness needed includes turning your back and cutting off the sources of pain.This is the kind of forgiveness that truly heals the pain within.